Blind

Assalamualaikum
It's been exactly 2 months since I last updated my blog.
A lot had happened in 2 months
A lot of up, and definitely a lot of down as well.

I may be clueless in a lot of things.
And as my school councelor used to tell me bout how I'm way too nice to people around me, it's not like I didn't try to change. It's not like I didn't try to stop and say no for once in a while, but sometimes the guilt of saying no haunts me back and in the end the no becomes a yes either way.
If it hurts me, it hurts me, but I'm also not stupid to take everything that is thrown at me like that.

One time near exams, I was asked, "are they really your friend if they take advantages of you and hurts you?"
I look deep within myself before answering that question and smile as I say,
"If they're not your friends, there's no way they'd be able to hurt you. It's because you love someone that whatever they do ended up hurting you"
I don't care if the conversation was not done with sincere feelings or anything, but I do know what I said comes from within myself.
If I wasn't sincered in helping them, or sincerely love them for themselves, then there's no way what they'd do would hurt my feelings, would they?
In baseball, they give you three strike before you're out of the field, and maybe that's me as well?
Difference is, I don't even know my limit.
You can hurt me as much as you want, but once I've reached my limit, you're out of my life just like how you've never really let me be in yours.

Losing something we treasured is definitely heart breaking.
But gaining it back, even if it's a bit is already a gift enough for me
I lost something along the way but I do gain something along the way as well
Maybe I need to lose that to figure out about what I've taken for granted around me.
The people that genuinely love me but was taken for granted for my lack of gratitude towards them.
Maybe I was too blind to see how there are actually a lot of people who treasure me as much as I treasure others.

I hope that my eyes stays open to see those around me that really loves me for who I am

Assalamualaikum

P/S:
Gained back 2kg of the 8kg I lost while being in Korea.