A needed update

Assalamualaikum

It's been 5 months since I last updated my blog
I always feel like I need to update my blog but I never know what to write about
There have been a lot of request from people that ask me to make tutorials on how to apply to a korean university but as I've previously mentioned, I'm not taking a bachelor degree in Korea, I was there to learn Korean Language.


[For a year and a half, I have not lost anything but a few days before going back, I lost my phone and this picture was the last picture I took before I lost it]

It's been 4 months since I got back to Malaysia
I arrived in KLIA2 on the 17th of August and I can't believe it's already December now
The time flew by without me knowing.


As some of my friends already know, I recently continued my study in Bachelor of Event Management at MSU
Honestly, it was a decision that I made after a lot of thinking as I was a bit confused on whether I should study at MSU or other university I had in mind,taking event management or PR, etc.
But I chose Event Management and only He knows where my decision will lead me to in the future.


When I got back, I wanted to rest for as long as I can but after studying with only two weeks of break for a year and a half, I grew tired of resting
And that's when I made the decision above.
Alhamdulillah everything have been smooth for me but hey, who am I kidding, it's only been 3 months in MSU. I have 3 more years ahead of me
I just hope it would be as smooth as it is right now, even if it gets hard, just let everything be smooth.


That's the little update from me
No motivational words
Nothing deep
It's just me

Assalamualaikum

One little drop of confidence

Assalamualaikum

There was this complex that I have where I cover my mouth when I laugh, as long as it stays hidden. Unknown to me, I ended up liking people who have straight white teeth, doesn't matter if it's through surgical or braces or anything, as long as they're perfectly straight white teeth, I just enjoy looking at them.

For quite some time, I never laugh loudly as I want, I never smile as widely as others does.
All I wanted to do was hide them, so that no one can sees them, so that no one can think they're ugly. Let me be the only person who sees how ugly they were, at least that was what I thought.

Then, one day, my younger sister told me "you look pretty when you smile and show your teeth like that", and even though it comes from a family member, someone who should love you and look at you as pretty whenever wherever, that one sentence gave me confidence and I started laughing loudly as others does, and I also started smiling as widely as others does, which also makes me as happy as others are.

For as long as I lived, no one ever talk about my smile or my laugh but when I started changing how I laugh and how I smile because of that one word from my sister, I ended up laughing and smiling happily and a few weeks ago, a friend from Thailand told me,
"I like how you smile in pictures, your eyes always look happy"

 I've never really get direct compliments before and I was dumbfounded by it, I don't even know whether I should thank her or not but I just did so.

Then I realize that to be happy, I should first accept myself for who I am, so that I can let others accept me for who I am as well.
I come as a whole package, take it or leave it.
If I can't like the package that I come with, who would like them?
If you only like this part of me and does not like the other part of me, be it.
A true friend accepts you for who you are, in your prettiest of time and when you're the ugliest.

I know this post sounds like I'm saying you need compliments to build yourself up, but no, that's not what i'm saying. What I'm saying is that, you don't know what a word you said just for the sake of saying, can help or bring people down. Choose your words wisely, it might help or kill someone.
Words are the most powerful weapon on earth, use them wisely.

Future...

Assalamualaikum

You know there's the Page 1 of 365?

It's page 6 today (it's 12am in Korea now)

We're definitely not getting younger by the minutes, what's more by the year

I know I'm getting older and when the clock strikes 12AM on the 1st of January 2014, the question about my goals in life that have been bothering me for the past months is pressuring me more and more. 

Before I came to Korea, while waiting...

The future was dark for me. 

It was dark in my mind because I was clueless about what I really want to do with my life.

I mean I know what my dreams are but after convocation, the road to achieve it seems lost.

My feet is buried deep some place without the ability to move not even an inch. 

Before 2014 came, I've made a few istikharah prayers, wondering if the offer I got from dad would be better for my future or what is easy would be better for me

Admittedly, I didn't do it as frequent as I'm supposed to but I did it for quite a few times

And after new year, that decision once again pressures me and somehow the easier choice is what my heart tells me would be the better choice.

I consult my family and my friends for it, asking them if what my heart tells me could be the answer from Him.

They say they don't know but all advices are the same, they ask me not to give up half way. 

I'm not a quitter, but I was probably just so confused at that time that I felt like quitting. 

I don't feel like quitting at the moment though, so rest assured. 

This greed in me is probably the thing that confuses me so much right now

I want to write, I want to learn how to make films and scripts, I like communications, and somehow I also ended up loving languages and teaching

After teaching just a simple malay to a Korean friend, I figure out that it can also be part of a job to take

But that just adds in to the number of greed I have in what I want to do in life.

The road ahead is still kind of blurry...

I'm still not sure about what I REALLY want to do but while thinking about it, I'm taking my time in deciding it

Disovering and understanding myself, my needs and my dreams once again.

InsyaAllah, with His help, I believe I'll get the right answer soon.

Assalamualaikum. 

Blind

Assalamualaikum
It's been exactly 2 months since I last updated my blog.
A lot had happened in 2 months
A lot of up, and definitely a lot of down as well.

I may be clueless in a lot of things.
And as my school councelor used to tell me bout how I'm way too nice to people around me, it's not like I didn't try to change. It's not like I didn't try to stop and say no for once in a while, but sometimes the guilt of saying no haunts me back and in the end the no becomes a yes either way.
If it hurts me, it hurts me, but I'm also not stupid to take everything that is thrown at me like that.

One time near exams, I was asked, "are they really your friend if they take advantages of you and hurts you?"
I look deep within myself before answering that question and smile as I say,
"If they're not your friends, there's no way they'd be able to hurt you. It's because you love someone that whatever they do ended up hurting you"
I don't care if the conversation was not done with sincere feelings or anything, but I do know what I said comes from within myself.
If I wasn't sincered in helping them, or sincerely love them for themselves, then there's no way what they'd do would hurt my feelings, would they?
In baseball, they give you three strike before you're out of the field, and maybe that's me as well?
Difference is, I don't even know my limit.
You can hurt me as much as you want, but once I've reached my limit, you're out of my life just like how you've never really let me be in yours.

Losing something we treasured is definitely heart breaking.
But gaining it back, even if it's a bit is already a gift enough for me
I lost something along the way but I do gain something along the way as well
Maybe I need to lose that to figure out about what I've taken for granted around me.
The people that genuinely love me but was taken for granted for my lack of gratitude towards them.
Maybe I was too blind to see how there are actually a lot of people who treasure me as much as I treasure others.

I hope that my eyes stays open to see those around me that really loves me for who I am

Assalamualaikum

P/S:
Gained back 2kg of the 8kg I lost while being in Korea. 

A new step

Assalamualaikum
I realized I haven't actually fulfilled my promise to my friend
I promised my friends that I'll update my blog about my preparation to Korea starting from D-10 but I haven't been doing so. Let's not use the "I'm busy card" here even though it was the case sometimes.
Truth to be told, I am not that good in updating my blog every week, what more every day. I don't see my blog as something I'm oblige to do. I don't have any obligation to it, so I tend to forget even the promises I made, even if those I promised to don't really care about it.

So now here I am updating about my preparation to go to Korea to study language there at Seoul National University and I only have 3 days left to do so.

My check list goes on like this:-

• Tuition fees
• Visa
• Repair wifi card
• New spectacles
• Towels
• Food
• Clothes
• Books 
• Pillow
• Blanket
• Bedsheet
• Change debit card to international 

So I might have forget the most important thing in the list, which is changing my debit card to international (I don't know whatever name it have if there is any), besides that I'm almost ready to go since I'll buy the pillow and blanket in Korea.

I am in actual truth is still very scared about going to Korea since I'll be going alone, without making any friends in advance in Malaysia, even though I have a few over there. I'm quite of a passive person, so I'm scared that my personality will eventually bring troubles to myself. I hope and pray that things will turn out well.

Bismillahirahmanirahim.
May Allah ease my journey there.

That's all the update from me.

Assalamualaikum.