Breakups

Assalamualaikum
Lately I've been dealing with break-up stories from friends back in Malaysia and here in Korea
I've never been in a relationship before so I don't really know how a break up is supposed to be handled or how painful it is to lose someone who once love us back, because honestly I've only experienced one-sided love so far, and that's painful enough so I can't imagine the pain a breakup gives you.
But isn't the best way to handle it all is the same?
The best key of all is Redha.
And to have redha in your heart, never ever ever ever ask the question of "what if"
That is a question that will end up hurting you.
Do not search for an answer that you won't be able to get.
And if you're still searching for it, stop.

Jodoh itu rahsia Allah.
Kalau Allah dah tetapkan jodoh untuk kita, siapa2 pun orang tu, Dia sajalah yang tahu
Macammana kita rasa macam nak mati pun sebab kekasih kita break dgn kita, kalo dah bukan jodoh kita, kejar macammana pun tak dapat juga. Kalau Allah dah tentukan seorang yang lebih baik daripada kekasih kita tu, siapa kita nak membantah? Allah itu Maha Mengetahui
Suami isteri yang dah berkahwin 20 tahun lebih pun boleh bercerai, apa pula kekasih yang tiada ikatan HALAL?
Diberi peluang untuk tahu awal, bersyukur, alhamdulillah disedarkan awal. Ambil peluang tu ucap syukur dan doa biar ditemukan dengan orang yang lebih baik.
Bercinta dengan manusia, jangan sampai lupa cinta pada Allah.
Kalau  rasa sakit putus tu boleh bawa kepada mati, istighfar banyak-banyak, ingat ini semua baru kat dunia. Dah cukup ke amalan kita untuk dibawa kat akhirat nanti?
Dugaan itu datang daripada Allah, jadi kembali pada Dia, minta bantuan pada Dia yang Maha Kuasa untuk ringankan beban kita, tenangkan hati kita, dekatkan lagi kita dengan Dia.

Maybe people will say that it's easier for me to say these things because I've never experienced it.
Yes alhamdulillah I've never experienced them, nauzubillah minta dijauhkan rasa sakit tu.
But before we feel like dying because of our lover who doesn't have any HALAL relationship with us yet, did you actually live because of them? Were you dead before you met them?
If you live well enough before you met them, with your family and friends, why can't you live without them?
There was a song,
"sayang sayang Allah, sayang sayang nabi, sayang sayang ayah, sayang sayang ibu, Allah"
You can see the priority you should have in your life in that song alone.
Please know where you stand in as a Muslim. If you put someone else above Allah S.W.T, let's all reflect back to ourselves.
I'm always praying for my friends' happiness
Still is and will always do.
I love you all!!
Be strong my friends!

Assalamualaikum

One little drop of confidence

Assalamualaikum

There was this complex that I have where I cover my mouth when I laugh, as long as it stays hidden. Unknown to me, I ended up liking people who have straight white teeth, doesn't matter if it's through surgical or braces or anything, as long as they're perfectly straight white teeth, I just enjoy looking at them.

For quite some time, I never laugh loudly as I want, I never smile as widely as others does.
All I wanted to do was hide them, so that no one can sees them, so that no one can think they're ugly. Let me be the only person who sees how ugly they were, at least that was what I thought.

Then, one day, my younger sister told me "you look pretty when you smile and show your teeth like that", and even though it comes from a family member, someone who should love you and look at you as pretty whenever wherever, that one sentence gave me confidence and I started laughing loudly as others does, and I also started smiling as widely as others does, which also makes me as happy as others are.

For as long as I lived, no one ever talk about my smile or my laugh but when I started changing how I laugh and how I smile because of that one word from my sister, I ended up laughing and smiling happily and a few weeks ago, a friend from Thailand told me,
"I like how you smile in pictures, your eyes always look happy"

 I've never really get direct compliments before and I was dumbfounded by it, I don't even know whether I should thank her or not but I just did so.

Then I realize that to be happy, I should first accept myself for who I am, so that I can let others accept me for who I am as well.
I come as a whole package, take it or leave it.
If I can't like the package that I come with, who would like them?
If you only like this part of me and does not like the other part of me, be it.
A true friend accepts you for who you are, in your prettiest of time and when you're the ugliest.

I know this post sounds like I'm saying you need compliments to build yourself up, but no, that's not what i'm saying. What I'm saying is that, you don't know what a word you said just for the sake of saying, can help or bring people down. Choose your words wisely, it might help or kill someone.
Words are the most powerful weapon on earth, use them wisely.

Future...

Assalamualaikum

You know there's the Page 1 of 365?

It's page 6 today (it's 12am in Korea now)

We're definitely not getting younger by the minutes, what's more by the year

I know I'm getting older and when the clock strikes 12AM on the 1st of January 2014, the question about my goals in life that have been bothering me for the past months is pressuring me more and more. 

Before I came to Korea, while waiting...

The future was dark for me. 

It was dark in my mind because I was clueless about what I really want to do with my life.

I mean I know what my dreams are but after convocation, the road to achieve it seems lost.

My feet is buried deep some place without the ability to move not even an inch. 

Before 2014 came, I've made a few istikharah prayers, wondering if the offer I got from dad would be better for my future or what is easy would be better for me

Admittedly, I didn't do it as frequent as I'm supposed to but I did it for quite a few times

And after new year, that decision once again pressures me and somehow the easier choice is what my heart tells me would be the better choice.

I consult my family and my friends for it, asking them if what my heart tells me could be the answer from Him.

They say they don't know but all advices are the same, they ask me not to give up half way. 

I'm not a quitter, but I was probably just so confused at that time that I felt like quitting. 

I don't feel like quitting at the moment though, so rest assured. 

This greed in me is probably the thing that confuses me so much right now

I want to write, I want to learn how to make films and scripts, I like communications, and somehow I also ended up loving languages and teaching

After teaching just a simple malay to a Korean friend, I figure out that it can also be part of a job to take

But that just adds in to the number of greed I have in what I want to do in life.

The road ahead is still kind of blurry...

I'm still not sure about what I REALLY want to do but while thinking about it, I'm taking my time in deciding it

Disovering and understanding myself, my needs and my dreams once again.

InsyaAllah, with His help, I believe I'll get the right answer soon.

Assalamualaikum. 

Blind

Assalamualaikum
It's been exactly 2 months since I last updated my blog.
A lot had happened in 2 months
A lot of up, and definitely a lot of down as well.

I may be clueless in a lot of things.
And as my school councelor used to tell me bout how I'm way too nice to people around me, it's not like I didn't try to change. It's not like I didn't try to stop and say no for once in a while, but sometimes the guilt of saying no haunts me back and in the end the no becomes a yes either way.
If it hurts me, it hurts me, but I'm also not stupid to take everything that is thrown at me like that.

One time near exams, I was asked, "are they really your friend if they take advantages of you and hurts you?"
I look deep within myself before answering that question and smile as I say,
"If they're not your friends, there's no way they'd be able to hurt you. It's because you love someone that whatever they do ended up hurting you"
I don't care if the conversation was not done with sincere feelings or anything, but I do know what I said comes from within myself.
If I wasn't sincered in helping them, or sincerely love them for themselves, then there's no way what they'd do would hurt my feelings, would they?
In baseball, they give you three strike before you're out of the field, and maybe that's me as well?
Difference is, I don't even know my limit.
You can hurt me as much as you want, but once I've reached my limit, you're out of my life just like how you've never really let me be in yours.

Losing something we treasured is definitely heart breaking.
But gaining it back, even if it's a bit is already a gift enough for me
I lost something along the way but I do gain something along the way as well
Maybe I need to lose that to figure out about what I've taken for granted around me.
The people that genuinely love me but was taken for granted for my lack of gratitude towards them.
Maybe I was too blind to see how there are actually a lot of people who treasure me as much as I treasure others.

I hope that my eyes stays open to see those around me that really loves me for who I am

Assalamualaikum

P/S:
Gained back 2kg of the 8kg I lost while being in Korea.